I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
