i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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