Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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