I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
