Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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