At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can text with my tongue
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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