I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
