take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
