he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
