I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
