My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
