Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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