Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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