I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
