So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
