I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
