I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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