Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
