i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
