if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
