How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
