well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
