I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
