I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
