Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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