It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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