on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
