So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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