As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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