grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
