Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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