just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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