No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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