Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Im part way to drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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