i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
