An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
