I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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