I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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