she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
try to milk me bitch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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