I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
