and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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