Cold hands, warm shart.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
