If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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