sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
