You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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