Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My room smells like vodka and shame
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Holy sore nipples Batman
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
