i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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