No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
