your parents love me but you hate me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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