all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
