can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
