Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
