okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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