i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
