Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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